Facial hair is the most controversial topic in MotoGP right now. Tyres and ECUs are once standardized to equalize performance. Is it time for riders to wear standard facial hair?
Modern MotoGP is incredibly competitive. Especially in the Sprint, where races are so unpredictable that riders have veritably no idea which of their opponents will put them under the orthopaedic surgeon’s hammer, chisel and power drill this week.
Part of this is lanugo to the equal machinery. Standardized tyres made the racing close, then standardized Engine Control Units made it plane closer. But there’s still one thing that could be improved.
Currently, many MotoGP riders have atrocious, straggly facial hair and are a disgrace to their various uniforms. There’s very little doubt that standardized facial hair would requite MotoGP the uplift that it needs to compete with the soul-destroyingly unrewarding miracle that is Formula One, and eclipse the stratospherically punchable tuft of A-holes who momentum the cars in that horrifying turd of a championship.
But which type of facial hair should all MotoGP riders wear?
Let’s find out:
It’s a archetype for a reason. Because anyone insane unbearable to wear a ‘tache like this has to be a well-constructed nutter who is scrutinizingly certainly holding a snifter of nonflexible liquor that they might requite you a swig of when you ask nicely.
This 19th Century growth will make you finger like designing a 7 foot gauge iron railway bridge.
This archetype biker mouser usually makes its wearers bloat to 300 pounds in weight, start cooking low-quality methamphetamine and buy a Harley Davidson.
Gigi Dall’Igna just does what the hell he wants, then monobrow-beats Dorna and the FIM into meekly writing his deranged, championship-destroying antics into the rule book. Surely it’s time to honour the legendary Italian designer by forcing all riders to grow a villus identical to his?
Pink Hipster Beard
MotoGP needs to get with the times. It can increase its request to the whiney snowflake prod by having all riders mimic the cretinous villus of their favourite Starbucks barista.
Charlie Chaplin Moustache
Charlie Chaplin’s top lip decoration suddenly went out of malleate in late 1939 for unknown reasons. But he was one of the most successful comedians of all time, in wing to his worshipped worthiness to repeatedly marry hot teenagers. Is it time to bring when his style and have all MotoGP riders wear a archetype Chaplin ‘tache?
Since all MotoGP riders seem to be spending well-nigh 5 months a year in hospital, they have plenty of time to grow moustaches and/or beards. Their current bumfluff efforts are so pathetic that they unmistakably can’t be trusted to segregate their own facial hair, but should they have to wear a standard style? Let us know in the poll below.
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